I’m bloated. I hate being bloated. Especially at work. I can’t relieve it by passing gas as if I was home so this is torture. By the time I make it to the restroom, it’s not as dire of a situation as it was at my desk so it becomes a pointless trip to the restroom. WTF! I don’t know if it’s an ovulation symptom but I have been very bloated lately.
Today is CD 14. I tested with an OPK strip last night and saw an obvious line but it is not dark enough to be considered positive. I do not see any CM discharge either. So I’m beginning to think I may not ovulate this month. I know…so much for thinking positive. I have been temping myself every morning also but I was deathly sick over Christmas weekend so my numbers have been out of wack. Okay, maybe not deathly sick but I slept through Christmas dinner at the in-laws, which raised some eyebrows as you can already guess. I was sick so my temperatures may not be reliable to measure O either.
So I will cuss the world out if I do not ovulate this cycle and AF once again arrives in a couple of weeks.
This will probably be my last post of 2009. It is a year I want to start over again. I regret waiting 6 months after our last m/c to TTC again. I didn’t think conceiving would be a problem. Oh how naive I was! Now it seems I started the year having just 1 problem of miscarrying but now ending the year with 2 problems of conceiving and miscarrying.
That time of the year once again has rolled around. Time to make New Years Resolution. I thought about “Be more positive”…and yea, that’s too hard and out of my control most of the time. Worrying is in my blood. Then “Stop TTC and just go with the flow”…and yea, that’s not possible either because once you start TTC, you can’t just not TTC unless you have amnesia. And then I thought…wait…All of my ideas for resolutions revolved around TTC/pregnancy. So I figured it out. My New Years Resolution is…. to have our baby. Period. That is my 2010 goal. Simply – to have our baby.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
grown-up Christmas wish...
Working on Christmas Eve…I want to say “can anything be worse?” but I think I do know something that can be worse than this so I won’t even go there. (I will work on every.single.Christmas.Eve for the rest of my career if I can just hold my own baby soon.)
This year, Christmas is pretty quiet. Both sisters are out of town so we won’t be doing much with my family. My parents live 2 hours away so we’re still trying to figure out whether we’ll visit them tomorrow. We have to be back home by afternoon for dinner at the in-laws so I don’t know if timing will work out. So I’m a little sad…that Christmas this year will be just w/The Hubs family.
To be completely honest, this time of the year is a little bit melancholic for me. I celebrate the birth of Christ and enjoy all the things Christmas means, but it is also the time of the year I remember saying goodbye to my dad who passed away 5 (wow 5 already!) years ago on New Years Eve. There isn’t a day I do not think about him and miss him. I’ve missed him more through my m/c’s…thinking why he doesn’t ask God a favor on my behalf. I want a son that looks like him. I wonder how different my life would now be if he was still with us. I wonder what he would’ve said and done to make his youngest daughter feel better through these heartbreaking times. And I know he would have. I lost my father to cancer.
I can go on and on about how much we should appreciate our family especially our aging parents everyday, not taking a single second for granted because I know first hand how short life is. I won’t go on and on because I think we all here know how short life is. It can be as short as 6 weeks. I miss a father who lived 60 years and babies that lived 6 weeks. The sudden turns life takes, you’re never prepared for. I don’t know what these next 2 months let alone tomorrow holds in store for me. I will never be prepared for another BFP, u/s, m/c, loss…no matter how many times I’ve experienced it, I will never be prepared. As much as I want something, I am scared sh!tless to have it. Because I’m scared of losing it. 2 things I hate – cancer and m/c. Both should just disappear from this earth.
The Hubs and I do not exchange Christmas gifts. I’m really not one of those wives that expect something special on Anniversaries and Birthdays. Maybe I’m too cynical but I’d like to think it’s more pragmatism than cynicism. I’m a romantic…I love love and romance. I just do not love the frills that embellish the simple, pure innocence of just love. So since we got married, we decided to just exchange Christmas ornaments as gifts. We can look back 20, 30, 40 years from now with all the ornaments we exchanged…with a story for each and pass them onto our children. That last part is the hardest part apparently. Still working on that. This year, we decided to add another tradition along w/exchanging ornaments. Instead of gifts, we will be donating to a charity of each other’s choice in each other’s name. It will not be much. Remember, The Hubs is back in school w/a PT job. And we live in a part of the country with one of the highest costs of living. (I really wouldn’t mind moving but that’s for another time, another post.) We struggle ourselves, battling rent, bills, oh and did I mention TTC? But we know there is so much more in this world than just us and our trials. It won’t be much but a little adds up so we will share the little that we have. I chose City of Hope. It has great meaning to me. The Hubs chose CHOC (Children’s Hospital of Orange County). I’m still childless this Christmas, still hurting, still confused, and still broke. But I will be a little warmer this year as we log onto each others charity tonight, giving a little bit of ourselves, to a big cause…in some ways bigger than our story.
Merry Christmas!
This year, Christmas is pretty quiet. Both sisters are out of town so we won’t be doing much with my family. My parents live 2 hours away so we’re still trying to figure out whether we’ll visit them tomorrow. We have to be back home by afternoon for dinner at the in-laws so I don’t know if timing will work out. So I’m a little sad…that Christmas this year will be just w/The Hubs family.
To be completely honest, this time of the year is a little bit melancholic for me. I celebrate the birth of Christ and enjoy all the things Christmas means, but it is also the time of the year I remember saying goodbye to my dad who passed away 5 (wow 5 already!) years ago on New Years Eve. There isn’t a day I do not think about him and miss him. I’ve missed him more through my m/c’s…thinking why he doesn’t ask God a favor on my behalf. I want a son that looks like him. I wonder how different my life would now be if he was still with us. I wonder what he would’ve said and done to make his youngest daughter feel better through these heartbreaking times. And I know he would have. I lost my father to cancer.
I can go on and on about how much we should appreciate our family especially our aging parents everyday, not taking a single second for granted because I know first hand how short life is. I won’t go on and on because I think we all here know how short life is. It can be as short as 6 weeks. I miss a father who lived 60 years and babies that lived 6 weeks. The sudden turns life takes, you’re never prepared for. I don’t know what these next 2 months let alone tomorrow holds in store for me. I will never be prepared for another BFP, u/s, m/c, loss…no matter how many times I’ve experienced it, I will never be prepared. As much as I want something, I am scared sh!tless to have it. Because I’m scared of losing it. 2 things I hate – cancer and m/c. Both should just disappear from this earth.
The Hubs and I do not exchange Christmas gifts. I’m really not one of those wives that expect something special on Anniversaries and Birthdays. Maybe I’m too cynical but I’d like to think it’s more pragmatism than cynicism. I’m a romantic…I love love and romance. I just do not love the frills that embellish the simple, pure innocence of just love. So since we got married, we decided to just exchange Christmas ornaments as gifts. We can look back 20, 30, 40 years from now with all the ornaments we exchanged…with a story for each and pass them onto our children. That last part is the hardest part apparently. Still working on that. This year, we decided to add another tradition along w/exchanging ornaments. Instead of gifts, we will be donating to a charity of each other’s choice in each other’s name. It will not be much. Remember, The Hubs is back in school w/a PT job. And we live in a part of the country with one of the highest costs of living. (I really wouldn’t mind moving but that’s for another time, another post.) We struggle ourselves, battling rent, bills, oh and did I mention TTC? But we know there is so much more in this world than just us and our trials. It won’t be much but a little adds up so we will share the little that we have. I chose City of Hope. It has great meaning to me. The Hubs chose CHOC (Children’s Hospital of Orange County). I’m still childless this Christmas, still hurting, still confused, and still broke. But I will be a little warmer this year as we log onto each others charity tonight, giving a little bit of ourselves, to a big cause…in some ways bigger than our story.
Merry Christmas!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
a needed meltdown
Sometimes the best thing to do is just take a step back and look at everything with a fresh mindset. Once you’ve muddled yourself in the midst of chaos and process, you lose yourself and purpose. It takes a step back to put everything into perspective. When I try to detangle a knot and get so caught up in trying to detangle it and that’s all that matters, the knot gets worse and worse each twist and turn I try to detangle. You stop and think WTF. I’ve created a bigger mess when it was something so much simpler to begin with! So you take a step back and gather yourself so you can be refreshed in another attempt to detangle.
That’s how I’ve been. I got so lost in this TTC process that I made it into an even bigger torture than it really is. I had a semi-meltdown this past Saturday. My SIL (The Hubs’ younger sister) came over with her BF. After a night of bingo at a local bingo hall (yes, it's actually incredibly fun and a stress reliever to spend a Saturday night with senior citizens), we discussed a possible New Years Eve party. I had to remind them I do not celebrate on NYE since it is the date of my father’s passing. I don’t sulk and cry all day on every NYE but I certainly do not want to throw a party. We usually just spend the night with family and enjoy each others company, remembering to never take each other for granted. This “party” topic came up because we ended up not having a Christmas party this year so SIL wanted to know when our next “event” would be. I don’t know what came over me but I yelled out “Oooh I know! My 3oth Birthday!”. It is SO not like me to want a Birthday party. In fact, I hate everything about Birthdays. The hype, the balloons in my cubicle, coworkers trying to sing in tune, the “what do you want for your bday?”s. So what made me suggest that out loud? I have no idea. I think I was possessed. So SIL said “Oh yea! That’ll be great!”. Then as quickly as I yelled out my nonsense, I quickly became this nutcase that couldn’t stop crying. In front of the SIL’s BF that I’ve only met twice. I remembered I’m turning 30. 30! I had so much I wanted to accomplish before 30 and a baby (or 2) was right up there. I wasn’t bawling but tears just would not shut off. It was one of those 'why am I crying?' meltdowns mixed in with laughter because I found it ridiculously and unnecessarily dramatic. SIL said all the comforting words your friends/family say to you – you’re still young, next time is it, you have accomplished so much, don’t worry, etc. I’m not one to show my emotions about my TTC/IF trials so I’m sure they all found my emotional meltdown random, odd, and uncomfortable. Wouldn't blame SIL's BF if he never wants to hang out with me again. But you know what…it felt good. It felt so good to just finally let it all out.
That night, The Hubs sat me down and asked what that was all about. I told him I’m borderline depressed. He said no you’re not. Maybe I didn’t sound serious enough? I looked at him like how do you know? He reminded me that our marriage and love is not validated by a baby. He reminded me that my happiness is not validated by a baby. He reminded me that we need to and can live our lives according to our pace, not others. He reminded me that this is not who I am. I am not one to feel sorry for myself. He reminded me that I’m drowning myself in this TTC ocean and need to keep my head above the surface to keep afloat. Otherwise, what’s the point if I won’t survive it?
I have taken a step back to look at the situation refreshed. Am I happy right now? Yes, I am. I love sleeping in on the weekends. I love not cooking. I love not cleaning. I love watching TV whenever I want. I love working OT until whenever I want. I love going to the mall w/The Hubs on a whim. I love going anywhere on a whim. I love taking care of just me and The Hubs. All of this will change when we bring a baby home. But I will love that too when that time comes, but for now, I love what we have right now. I can’t lose either way.
That’s how I’ve been. I got so lost in this TTC process that I made it into an even bigger torture than it really is. I had a semi-meltdown this past Saturday. My SIL (The Hubs’ younger sister) came over with her BF. After a night of bingo at a local bingo hall (yes, it's actually incredibly fun and a stress reliever to spend a Saturday night with senior citizens), we discussed a possible New Years Eve party. I had to remind them I do not celebrate on NYE since it is the date of my father’s passing. I don’t sulk and cry all day on every NYE but I certainly do not want to throw a party. We usually just spend the night with family and enjoy each others company, remembering to never take each other for granted. This “party” topic came up because we ended up not having a Christmas party this year so SIL wanted to know when our next “event” would be. I don’t know what came over me but I yelled out “Oooh I know! My 3oth Birthday!”. It is SO not like me to want a Birthday party. In fact, I hate everything about Birthdays. The hype, the balloons in my cubicle, coworkers trying to sing in tune, the “what do you want for your bday?”s. So what made me suggest that out loud? I have no idea. I think I was possessed. So SIL said “Oh yea! That’ll be great!”. Then as quickly as I yelled out my nonsense, I quickly became this nutcase that couldn’t stop crying. In front of the SIL’s BF that I’ve only met twice. I remembered I’m turning 30. 30! I had so much I wanted to accomplish before 30 and a baby (or 2) was right up there. I wasn’t bawling but tears just would not shut off. It was one of those 'why am I crying?' meltdowns mixed in with laughter because I found it ridiculously and unnecessarily dramatic. SIL said all the comforting words your friends/family say to you – you’re still young, next time is it, you have accomplished so much, don’t worry, etc. I’m not one to show my emotions about my TTC/IF trials so I’m sure they all found my emotional meltdown random, odd, and uncomfortable. Wouldn't blame SIL's BF if he never wants to hang out with me again. But you know what…it felt good. It felt so good to just finally let it all out.
That night, The Hubs sat me down and asked what that was all about. I told him I’m borderline depressed. He said no you’re not. Maybe I didn’t sound serious enough? I looked at him like how do you know? He reminded me that our marriage and love is not validated by a baby. He reminded me that my happiness is not validated by a baby. He reminded me that we need to and can live our lives according to our pace, not others. He reminded me that this is not who I am. I am not one to feel sorry for myself. He reminded me that I’m drowning myself in this TTC ocean and need to keep my head above the surface to keep afloat. Otherwise, what’s the point if I won’t survive it?
I have taken a step back to look at the situation refreshed. Am I happy right now? Yes, I am. I love sleeping in on the weekends. I love not cooking. I love not cleaning. I love watching TV whenever I want. I love working OT until whenever I want. I love going to the mall w/The Hubs on a whim. I love going anywhere on a whim. I love taking care of just me and The Hubs. All of this will change when we bring a baby home. But I will love that too when that time comes, but for now, I love what we have right now. I can’t lose either way.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
finally...
She's here!
She's 2 days late but still made it here. Well, now that I think about it, she's actually only 1 1/2 days late because first date of my last period was 11/15 late at night like right before bed and today's came at butt crack of dawn so I'm not too upset she kept me waiting. I was just being impatient as usual. I've never been the 28-day cycle kind of a girl. Always 30 at max 32. Does this mean I ovulate late? Hmmm...
OPK will be here before my next ovulation so I'll have some help from now on. I'm somewhat relieved AF is here but not happy because afterall, I am TTC! I told the Hubs this morning AF finally came and he just gave me a pout. He's not one to talk about how much he wants to be a father so just that pout alone told me a lot. I really want this more for him than myself. I know he'll be a better father than I will be as a mother. I know he'll be the nice parent in the house that our child(ren) will turn to more, so I'm hurting to deliver a baby for the Hubs. I pray everyday 2010 will be it.
I will for once look at AF arriving as glass half full:
* She'll be gone by Christmas
* I can have a cup of coffee with the actual drug in it
* A New Castle or Modelo this weekend while watching some football sounds like heaven
* My baby has no chance of being a Leo for now. Virgo, Libra and anything else closely after that I'll take. Just soon please! Real soon! (I truly sincerly from the deepest part of my heart apologize to any Leo's reading this. Nothing against you. It's just me.)
She's 2 days late but still made it here. Well, now that I think about it, she's actually only 1 1/2 days late because first date of my last period was 11/15 late at night like right before bed and today's came at butt crack of dawn so I'm not too upset she kept me waiting. I was just being impatient as usual. I've never been the 28-day cycle kind of a girl. Always 30 at max 32. Does this mean I ovulate late? Hmmm...
OPK will be here before my next ovulation so I'll have some help from now on. I'm somewhat relieved AF is here but not happy because afterall, I am TTC! I told the Hubs this morning AF finally came and he just gave me a pout. He's not one to talk about how much he wants to be a father so just that pout alone told me a lot. I really want this more for him than myself. I know he'll be a better father than I will be as a mother. I know he'll be the nice parent in the house that our child(ren) will turn to more, so I'm hurting to deliver a baby for the Hubs. I pray everyday 2010 will be it.
I will for once look at AF arriving as glass half full:
* She'll be gone by Christmas
* I can have a cup of coffee with the actual drug in it
* A New Castle or Modelo this weekend while watching some football sounds like heaven
* My baby has no chance of being a Leo for now. Virgo, Libra and anything else closely after that I'll take. Just soon please! Real soon! (I truly sincerly from the deepest part of my heart apologize to any Leo's reading this. Nothing against you. It's just me.)
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
what not to do at work...
is touch your boobs. Now, I try to be as discrete as possible. Feeling it with my arm or touching my chest area or pressing inside of my arm against it etc. I wouldn't dare just cup these suckers while 12 sets of eyes are around me.
This is how crazy I've become. I'm now feeling my boobs in the most ridiculous way/shape/form. I look ridiculous.
I'm not going crazy that AF's still not here and it's 16 DPO. I'm going crazy because I just don't feel it coming as I ususally do yet also do not feel any pregnancy symptoms. It's like my body decided to go on vacation or something. My cycle's usually 30 days so I might just be late this cycle. Today, I'm just bloated which might be an AF sign, hot like I'm on fire but maybe because I'm just so flippin annoyed at my body, and have a ginormous headache but again maybe because I'm just so flippin annoyed at my body.
All I want for Christmas are some aching boobs, a pepperoni face, nausea day and night, extra lbs around the waist, and no energy by 4pm. My 2WW has turned into more like a 3WW. Should I just go buy a HPT today on my way home from work and just get this thing over with? But I just know I'm not preggo either...shouldn't I have at least ONE symptom???
This is how crazy I've become. I'm now feeling my boobs in the most ridiculous way/shape/form. I look ridiculous.
I'm not going crazy that AF's still not here and it's 16 DPO. I'm going crazy because I just don't feel it coming as I ususally do yet also do not feel any pregnancy symptoms. It's like my body decided to go on vacation or something. My cycle's usually 30 days so I might just be late this cycle. Today, I'm just bloated which might be an AF sign, hot like I'm on fire but maybe because I'm just so flippin annoyed at my body, and have a ginormous headache but again maybe because I'm just so flippin annoyed at my body.
All I want for Christmas are some aching boobs, a pepperoni face, nausea day and night, extra lbs around the waist, and no energy by 4pm. My 2WW has turned into more like a 3WW. Should I just go buy a HPT today on my way home from work and just get this thing over with? But I just know I'm not preggo either...shouldn't I have at least ONE symptom???
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
where is she....?
Okay - she was supposed to make her landing today. AF's still not here yet. To make matters (worse?) more confusing, I don't have the usual cramps and aches I get right around now. I have absolutely zero pregnancy symptoms and zero AF symptoms. I am totally lost. I can't decide whether I should anticipate BFP or AF. I am terrified to take a HPT because I'm afraid it will be positive. That's right, positive. If I was feeling a teeny weeny bit of pregancy symptoms, I would be excited and optimistic but I feel like I'm setting myself up for failure again by testing, getting a faint line, which will only lead to me freaking out that I'm going through another m/c, because my boobs just are not sore period. Seriously - at this point, I'd rather AF just get her 5 day fun over with.
I'll wait 4 more days. I'm never off on my cycle. It's like clockwork. And when I am 2-3 days late, I usually feel the symptoms of it coming nonetheless. I'll wait until Friday. If AF's still not here by Friday, I'll test. Followed by hours and days of prayers and tears. This is torture. Pure torture.
**update: I did it. I purchased the cheapo tests online. They probably won't get here until next Monday-Tuesday so my patience will really be tested this weekend as I fight tooth and nail to not run off to buy a test that costs 10x what I just purchased because I just cannot bare another day of waiting. If AF isn't here by this weekend...I think we can pretty much call it that I'm preggo. Only if that was the end of the battle.
I'll wait 4 more days. I'm never off on my cycle. It's like clockwork. And when I am 2-3 days late, I usually feel the symptoms of it coming nonetheless. I'll wait until Friday. If AF's still not here by Friday, I'll test. Followed by hours and days of prayers and tears. This is torture. Pure torture.
**update: I did it. I purchased the cheapo tests online. They probably won't get here until next Monday-Tuesday so my patience will really be tested this weekend as I fight tooth and nail to not run off to buy a test that costs 10x what I just purchased because I just cannot bare another day of waiting. If AF isn't here by this weekend...I think we can pretty much call it that I'm preggo. Only if that was the end of the battle.
Friday, December 11, 2009
don't take me there...
My employer provides a Visa debit card in the beginning of each year. There is a credit of $900 we can use to pay for any medical related expenses throughout the year. It’s just an added incentive on top of the getting-shittier-each-year insurance benefits we have. I used up the entire balance for all my co-pays on blood tests (can’t even count how many of these I did!), u/s’s, d&c, genetic testing (not for The Hubs and I but of the tissue they recovered from the d&c), anesthesia, pills, pops, pokes, drills – you get the point. When you go through a m/c – there is a shitload of medical bills. Any portion I was responsible for, this Visa came in hand.
My employer’s benefits dept recently sent me a notification of request for copies of 7 of like 685 invoices I’ve seen this year, because they wanted to verify that the Visa was used for “medical purposes” and if I cannot provide the invoices, I’ll have to cough up the $900. Oh GAAAAAAAAWWWWD! I wanted to burn the document or use it to wipe my fresh ass. Really? I mean, what could I have POSSIBLY purchased at Hoag Medical Center or Newport Radiology? Do they think I purchased oh, I don’t know…a PURSE with hospital logo on it because yea, that’s really the latest trend Jennifer Aniston’s been sporting! Not only do I not have all of these 7 invoices but I wanted to know what the hell would make the brain surgeons that work for my company think these were not medical related. So I called them to let them have a piece of me. I was livid. And now that I think about it, I wasn’t livid because they were asking me to do some leg work. I was livid because they brought me back to those days 8 months ago. They made me relive my days of beta tests, surgery, recovery….. Each call I made to hospital or laboratories to ask for copies of the invoices, I was reminded of why I needed their services in the first place. And that just sucked balls.
I hate my employer. You would THINK being as big as it is, it would have a better system down in operating such a mess, but they don’t. I found out all of my coworkers who had a surgery or a cough this past year got the same notification in the mail. It’s bad enough they work us like slaves and now this!
On another note, I'm about 10 DPO and I've never felt so non-pregnant in my life! Just wonderful, isn't it? I've decided to buy a OPK if AF shows up. I'm hoping I'll only have to use it like once.
Remember my cutting in line... post? Well, the Hubs mentioned last night that his friend J and wife V have actually been trying for 8 months now. I felt terrible. I didn't know they were trying for so long and here I was, thinking Oh great, another couple about to cut in line and get pregnant right away. It's so easy for me to quickly jump to conclusions to satisfy my imagination, but every couple has their own story and pain...I should've known better.
The rain is hitting So Cal full force now. We're on "storm watch". Amazing how some rain makes headline or breaking news around here. I love the rain so I'm going to soak it all in while I can. We've had a dry spell all year so this is nice...
My employer’s benefits dept recently sent me a notification of request for copies of 7 of like 685 invoices I’ve seen this year, because they wanted to verify that the Visa was used for “medical purposes” and if I cannot provide the invoices, I’ll have to cough up the $900. Oh GAAAAAAAAWWWWD! I wanted to burn the document or use it to wipe my fresh ass. Really? I mean, what could I have POSSIBLY purchased at Hoag Medical Center or Newport Radiology? Do they think I purchased oh, I don’t know…a PURSE with hospital logo on it because yea, that’s really the latest trend Jennifer Aniston’s been sporting! Not only do I not have all of these 7 invoices but I wanted to know what the hell would make the brain surgeons that work for my company think these were not medical related. So I called them to let them have a piece of me. I was livid. And now that I think about it, I wasn’t livid because they were asking me to do some leg work. I was livid because they brought me back to those days 8 months ago. They made me relive my days of beta tests, surgery, recovery….. Each call I made to hospital or laboratories to ask for copies of the invoices, I was reminded of why I needed their services in the first place. And that just sucked balls.
I hate my employer. You would THINK being as big as it is, it would have a better system down in operating such a mess, but they don’t. I found out all of my coworkers who had a surgery or a cough this past year got the same notification in the mail. It’s bad enough they work us like slaves and now this!
On another note, I'm about 10 DPO and I've never felt so non-pregnant in my life! Just wonderful, isn't it? I've decided to buy a OPK if AF shows up. I'm hoping I'll only have to use it like once.
Remember my cutting in line... post? Well, the Hubs mentioned last night that his friend J and wife V have actually been trying for 8 months now. I felt terrible. I didn't know they were trying for so long and here I was, thinking Oh great, another couple about to cut in line and get pregnant right away. It's so easy for me to quickly jump to conclusions to satisfy my imagination, but every couple has their own story and pain...I should've known better.
The rain is hitting So Cal full force now. We're on "storm watch". Amazing how some rain makes headline or breaking news around here. I love the rain so I'm going to soak it all in while I can. We've had a dry spell all year so this is nice...
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