You can't tell anyone anything these days. I think I must've been in la la land when I thought people around me would use discretion and not have such loose lips about my pregnancy. But - in the end, it all comes back to me because I should've known better and not opened my big fat mouth until I was like oh....32 weeks.
I told my mother around week 8 pleading with her not to tell anyone. Well, I clearly remember her announcing it to our entire family that week, and not so dicretely, I mean "announcing" announcing, not just dropping hints. The Hubs told my MIL around week 10 pleading with her not to tell anyone. I do want to add, I did not want him to tell her period until, again, week 32, but he insisted if my mother got to find out, his mother should, too. I can list 100 reasons why that arguement is just absurd but I didn't want to stress myself out and besides, he just couldn't hide the glee anymore and had to tell someone. So it was his mother. My MIL I thought was so trustworthy. I love my mother, but unlike my mother, MIL filters what she says and has more self control. Well...I don't think there are any secrets between daughters and mothers, because she told her mother. Next thing I knew, the his entire side of the family knew. Uncles, aunts, cousins. I would get FB messages congratulating me! Delete. Delete. Delete. So both sides of the family found out before my first trimester was over but I was not and still not ready for the rest of my world to find out. Well...there's just no hiding things anymore. Friday before Mother's Day, my coworker J passed out Mother's Day candy baskets w/balloons to every mother on the floor. I did not expect to get one at all...oh, because, I don't know...NO ONE IN THE OFFICE SHOULD KNOW! Lo and behold, she stops by my cubicle handing me a basket "Oooh, I'm not gonna forget you, you mama-to-be!", saying it loud enough for everyone around me to stop and look and start congratulating. I smiled and pretended I wasn't bothered but first thing I thought was "How in the hell does J know???". I wasn't even gonna waste my time investigating. By then, I realized I should just tell my neighbor's dog all my secrets and I'll be safe.
Now, I'm not trying to be a preggo snob. I know this issue is so not an issue in the grand scheme of things, but here I am on week 16 and still nervous, worried, one foot out the door, guarded and reserved about my pregnancy. I still cannot fully grasp it, so how can I enjoy all the congratulations and hugs when I feel pushed into it? I don't want to come across as an ungrateful or unhappy preggo but to be completely honest, I'm enjoying this pregnancy only 50% of the time. The other 50% of the time, I'm just a nervous wreck waiting, knowing I'm doomed again. And I'm so tired of hearing "You need to stay positive". That might work for someone who bought a lottery ticket. Doesn't work so well on someone who's trying to carry a baby to full term after 2 losses.
The one saving grace is my doppler. I use it every Wednesday and Sunday. Each week, the hb's easier to find and more distinct. My growing belly calms me, too. It assures me he's still in there and growing, stretching my body each day. My family and coworkers know but our friends are still in the dark. But at this point, I think even that might not be true seeing how word travels around me. I've given The Hubs the green light to announce it to our friends after my 2nd Trimester blood screening this Friday. I'm thinking I won't get the results until next week, so next week, The Hubs will feel 100 lbs lighter since he just can't hold it in any longer. Why is it that I'm the only one holding back? I wish I can be as light-hearted and optimistic as he is.
Here are some things I look forward to in the 2nd trimester...
~ finally believing in this 100%. No more IF's but WHEN's.
~ passing all tests and scans
~ registering for baby gifts
~ buying my very first baby item
~ mini-babymoon
~ not hiding my growing belly
~ shopping for nursery items
~ stretch marks, leg cramps, back aches, 10 extra lbs, mood swings - yes, in my shoes, you will welcome these things and then some
~ 3rd trimester
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i felt the same way, about protecting this news from the general public. I was even taken a back when an acquaintance wished me congrats and I had no idea my SIL had been telling ppl. I understand where you are coming from so take your time. I've just finally started coming around to it, and the words have made it to my lips without me quivering in fear that if I said it outloud, something might happen. But you are doing great and will continue to do great - here's to 2nd tri and all it's glory! :)
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