no pain no gain

I guess I didn't even know it but m/s has hit me. I think I was expecting complete and utter misery where my face is stuffed in the toilet half of the day, but I think it's the constant queasiness and feeling like I'm gonna hurl that equates to m/s. I didn't even know it. And last night was the worst. I actually did throw up and couldn't go to sleep until 1:30 am because of the nausea. The Hubs asked if we should go to ER. I looked at him and said "the nurses and doctors would laugh at us!". And I'm slow the get up in the mornings from the nausea. And throughout the day, I find myself with my head in my hands and sneer at coworkers eating lunch around me. I'm not complaining. I am taking all of it in because I asked for this, remember? But yes, I'm petrified that it's molar. The m/s is not extreme. It was last night but I wasn't throwing up the entire dinner. I'm hoping it doesn't get worse because extreme nausea is a sign of possible molar + my questionably high hcg.

The doctor called again yesterday just to check up on me. She also wanted to tell me the result of my urine test. She said I have a slight bladder infection. Ugh. She said the level's actually considered normal but would like to see it lower when I'm pregnant. So I'm supposed to take these antibiotics...but....I haven't taken one yet since I picked them up. I'm sure she wouldn't have prescribed me something harmful during pregnancy and I doubt the fact this patient of hers is pregnant slipped her mind, but I'm scared to take anything! So I'm planning to wait it out just until this Friday's u/s result. I need that peace of mind to know he/she is growing inside me perfectly fine before I intake anything foreign. I also asked the doctor when she called me yesterday about my high hcg. She said there's nothing to worry about and high is good. I wanted to kindly ask, "yes, but can you guarantee it isn't a molar pregnancy?" then realized she'll probably drop me as her patient and I'll be looking for another doctor who is willing to treat this neurotic preggo.

On another note, my boss knows I'm pregnant. I missed a couple days of work last week due to doctor appointments and my fear of coming to work and m/c (yes, it's happened before during work so...work scares me in more than one way). She figured it out. So I appreciate her calling me over to her office everyday to chat about how I'm doing. It's not necessary, but I appreciate her care. What I don't appreciate is her coming over to my cubicle where there are a dozen people around me to ask "So how are you feeling today hon?", "Take some crackers!", "When's your next doctor's appt?". Uhm.......HELLO! Why don't you just announce it on the loud speaker that your associate is pregnant and feeling like shit! I answer very short and nonchalantly hoping she'll get the hint and hoping people around think it's nothing. But C'MON! I guess it's my fault for allowing her to figure it out. She's marked her calendar 4/12/2010 - the end of my 1st trimester - the day she wants to announce to my team. I told her I prefer to wait until like week 16 or so and she just brushed it off like I'm worrying too much. I'm reallly close to asking my doctor to put me on bedrest starting like next week. This place (work) makes me sicker than I already am. I have a manager who acts more invested and involved, unnecessarily, in my pregnancy than my own mother or MIL.

2 more days. My next post WILL be the best news...it will.