I have not thrown up....yet. But doesn't mean there weren't times when I wanted to. I feel like throwing up but don't or can't. I can't stand certain smells and even sights. The sight of trail mix, yes TRAIL MIX, on my desk is grossing me out right now. Nothing sounds appetizing and even the mere thought of greasy food makes me sick. The only thing that does sound somewhat good are sandwiches. I know I can't have deli meat but I couldn't resist a sandwich with bacon and a little bit of turkey for lunch today.
On Saturday, I wanted meat. I felt as if I can eat a whole cow. And I think I may have come close when we went out for Korean BBQ for dinner that night. Yesterday, I wanted anything refreshing, tangy and sweet/sour. I am so confused. One minute I want to just barf at the thought of anything and next minute I am so hungry I eat anything in the fridge.
The Hubs told my in-laws. The last 2 times, we held the info from them until I m/c'd and they weren't too happy about that. They're the most caring and kind people so I know they hurt to know we suffered that alone. So this time, The Hubs wanted to tell them after my 2nd beta. I've reminded them several times since, that it's still very very early. We met them last night for dinner and MIL asked me what I've been craving lately. I told her sour/tangy things and she said "That means it's a girl!". She went on to say anything sweet and sour means a girl and meat means a boy. Then we told her...uhm...I've been craving meat, too. You know where that led to. Maybe both a girl and a boy. Trust me, I would love to get it all over with at once, but I really want 1 healthy one. MIL then asked if I've had any significant dreams lately. I did have a dream right before I found out I was pregnant. In my dream, there was a big, and I mean giant, white lamb with the biggest eyes and lashes and so pure and pretty. I was scared though because it was so big! It was a lamb the size of a horse! I did not see 2 lambs....just 1. So I don't think it means twins.
I'm scared sh%tless because now both parents know. And The Hubs and I've been talking more about the baby and our future more than ever, like it's real. Like it's really going to happen. I'm sure it will...but....I can't help but think of "but". I still don't think m/s has hit me full throttle yet. I don't feel much cramps now. I wish there were more tell tale signs ans symptoms. My bb's are just extremely sore and I'm tired. And last week, I was so much calmer than these last couple of days. I think talking about it with the in-laws have freaked me out a little and making me second guess again.
We have dinner plans with my parents and family this Friday. The u/s is just a couple of hours before the dinner, so I would just hate to show up to dinner (or not show up at all) bearing bad news. I need to calm my nerves back down. I need to find peace again. Talking about it has made this all too real and I'm freaking out now. I wish m/s would just hit me already so I can have stronger conviction. Nausea here and there just isn't doing it for me! Although...I'm scared of extreme nausea because that is a symptom of molar. And with my hcg being so high, I'm most scared of that right now. I'm just a walking contradiction and can't make up my mind of what I want.
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I'm sorry you're going through this second guessing right now - your post today is likely what my post is going to be in a few weeks (*if* I make it that far - fingers crossed!)
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is continue to trust that this baby is doing his/her best and the only thing you can do and control is how you're taking care of yourself. The rest, up to God to handle! Friday seems so far away - but get lost in some mindless tv this week to pass the time - that and some meat and sweet and sour things ;)
The first few weeks are so so hard. I was sure anything that could go wrong would. I am praying for a wonderful u/s and that you are able to find peace until then.
ReplyDeleteThe only way I could find peace at this stage was to just not think about it. I think I even stopped blogging for a week. Not that I'd recommend that ('cause I would miss you), I just needed to not think about it at all. That's what helped me cope. A little. Would it have made it any easier to get bad news at that first u/s? Not a chance. So I guess not thinking about it was just a way to make the time go by faster.
ReplyDeleteIt's hilarious how quick people are to out themselves as crazy superstitious psychics by asserting confidently that your baby will be a certain gender, isn't it? I can't believe the amount of people who are "certain" that mine is a girl. I'm almost starting to believe it.
Try not to worry about hcg. You don't know where you are exactly in your pregnancy and even if you did the levels can vary SO widely without being cause for concern. Mine were soaring over the singleton range in the beginning but it is just one and they were perfectly normal by around 12 weeks. Also try not to worry about where your symptoms are - it sounds like the food problems (being simultaneously starving and nauseus) are in full swing and that's a good sign. It's really the only sign I've had (well, that and the bbs) the whole time.
I'm so excited for you and looking forward to results at the end of the week!