You know how men hate to stop and ask for directions? Well, that’s why GPS was invented. When you’re lost and cannot find your way, the next step naturally is to ask for directions. But these days, I am beginning to understand why men do not stop to ask.
I know it has only been 3 cycles since we started TTC again. The first time we TTC after our first m/c, we got pregnant right away, so I did not believe our problem would be conceiving. Well, I cannot say that anymore. Since it wasn’t a problem for us before and it is now, I’m beginning to think is something wrong with us? Maybe I have a condition after 2 m/c’s that I didn’t have before? I know I’m still young (I don’t think that but people say that…Really? You think 30 is young! You had a baby when you were 26! So don’t tell me I’m still young!!!!!! I hate hearing this!), and there are women who have been trying for years so I should just stop whining. But I also see those who have been trying for years have stopped and asked for help. They were diagnosed with conditions that have guided or are guiding them in the right direction and ultimately conceived and carried succesfully. Me? I’m just lost.
When do you decide to see an RE? When do you tell yourself lets ask for help? Men can drive around for hours going in circles completely lost when they should’ve stopped and asked for help 3 hours ago! I don’t want be there. I have yet to find any story about a couple successfully conceiving on their own after m/c’s without any help. That is discouraging. I’m happy for them – but discouraging for me. It forces me to think – okay, I need to ask for help.
It is not about my pride. I’ve never been one to hesitate about asking for help because I’m determined to figure everything out on my own. I’m quite independent yet know when I’m just being stupid and need to ask for help. I thankfully was born a woman. I think it’s more about my fear of finding out that there is a medical problem. It’s my fear of the cost of treatments. It’s my fear of how taxing and draining the treatments may be emotionally and physically. Although finding the problem will put us in the right direction, I’m petrified of what that path holds. So here I am trying to find my destination on my own when I could just use a GPS to get me there perhaps faster and more efficiently. But GPS’s are so damn expensive and high maintenance. What do I do? Do I continue on my own or ask for help? When did you know you needed to ask for help? Do you regret and think you could've conceived on your own without the help?
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Thanks for stopping by my blog! I know not everyone is the same but as soon as I suffered our 2nd loss I went to the RE. Thank God I did, because they found what I believe is my problem. Best of luck in making your decision.
ReplyDeletehi - stumbled on your blog from Dawn's (above) - just wanted to say that I also 'let it be' after my 2nd m/c and although my OB ran the usual tests and prescribed my prog. supps "just in case" - I still unfortunately had another m/c. Just saw an RPL specialist (diff from RE) but same in that they are now doing a whole shabang of tests to see if there is anything wrong. Hopefully they find something fixable otherwise I will not know what to do if I was really just 3 times unlucky.
ReplyDeleteI say listen to your body and do what you think is right for you. Seeking help is not failing at doing it the 'natural way' - but I think that if there is something - it would just be better to know so that you and hubby and OB/RE can act upon it. good luck and I'll be following your blog if you don't mind!
I debated seeing an RE after our 2nd loss. I got pregnant right away after our first loss and didn't think an RE was needed. Now, another m/c and more waiting later, I wish I wouldn't have waited. I'm the big "3-5" so I understand the age thing also. I feel like each cycle "off" is a lifetime.
ReplyDeleteIf you're questioning, perhaps look into finding one and see if they would be willing to see you for testing from your two losses. Many times, they won't start all of the tests until you've had three.
If you're asking yourself the question, maybe it's time.
We're all hear to listen if you make the leap.
I echo everything you said in this post and find myself debating the same issues. My original OB turned me loose after my loss and acted as if it were not big deal...just go try again! Easier said than done, as I had RPOC from my D&C and it took 4 months for my uterus to clear. Now, we are on cycle 4 post mc'g and it seems like we've been at this for an eternity.
ReplyDeleteI feel pressured to get on with things and find myself asking the same questions you pose. When do I go further and what is the next step? I recently discussed this with a friend who has recently suffered loss and she gave me some good advice. She's a researcher at St. Jude and suggested I go in and see my "new Dr", who I've yet to decide on, and ask many questions (like you pose) and then get her to help me develop a plan for my fertility. I think she offered sound advice and plan on going in to discuss where to go next. Doesn't mean I have to act on any of this, but at least I will have options...and at a newly 37, I need to know where I stand. Even if I am exhausted! Best of luck to you :) Keep writing, I love reading your posts, as its nice to know I'm not in this alone.