Okay - she was supposed to make her landing today. AF's still not here yet. To make matters (worse?) more confusing, I don't have the usual cramps and aches I get right around now. I have absolutely zero pregnancy symptoms and zero AF symptoms. I am totally lost. I can't decide whether I should anticipate BFP or AF. I am terrified to take a HPT because I'm afraid it will be positive. That's right, positive. If I was feeling a teeny weeny bit of pregancy symptoms, I would be excited and optimistic but I feel like I'm setting myself up for failure again by testing, getting a faint line, which will only lead to me freaking out that I'm going through another m/c, because my boobs just are not sore period. Seriously - at this point, I'd rather AF just get her 5 day fun over with.
I'll wait 4 more days. I'm never off on my cycle. It's like clockwork. And when I am 2-3 days late, I usually feel the symptoms of it coming nonetheless. I'll wait until Friday. If AF's still not here by Friday, I'll test. Followed by hours and days of prayers and tears. This is torture. Pure torture.
**update: I did it. I purchased the cheapo tests online. They probably won't get here until next Monday-Tuesday so my patience will really be tested this weekend as I fight tooth and nail to not run off to buy a test that costs 10x what I just purchased because I just cannot bare another day of waiting. If AF isn't here by this weekend...I think we can pretty much call it that I'm preggo. Only if that was the end of the battle.
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I'll keep checking in on you and keep my fingers crossed for you!
ReplyDeleteI completely understand your apprehension about a BFP. PAL brain is not a good thing.
((HUGS)) I'll keep you in my thoughts.
omygosh! I can understand too, one of my more recent posts is about how i wasn't looking forward to a bfp. it really does set off a whole other chain of emotions and anxiety, but we do have to go through it to get to where we want to be. It would be absolutely a blast to go through the journey together. Don't worry about no symptoms. If there's one thing I've learned in the last year (and I've done a lot of research) it's that you cannot trust your body. No matter how well you think you know it. It can still surprise you. I wish i could fedex you a test! But i think you're going about it the right way, just wait it out. I'm about to embark on that strategy myself. And despite all my complaining about faint lines last week - turns out the internet strips have been more reliable than FRER if we're talking about lines getting proportionately darker at the right times. Not that we can read too much into the shade of the test, obviously. Yay for cheap tests!
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